In this week’s Tuesday Well-Being Tip, we explore how to use compassion to disrupt painful memories.
Painful or traumatic memories can impede our lives in the present. If recalling these experiences still brings up an emotional charge, that means they’re still buried somewhere in our mind.
So why does it feel like we still “feel” memories from the past like they are happening in the now, even if you can’t fully remember the events?
When something traumatic happens, our memory of the situation gets linked with the emotions we feel at the time. Later, when we recall the situation, we often feel the same emotional response, and this effectively reinforces the memory.
Scientists call this “memory reconsolidation.”
Healthy Minds Innovations’ founder, Dr. Richard J. Davidson explains:
“When a memory is stored in the brain, it’s stable. It’s difficult to alter much. But the moment we actively remember it, there’s a window of opportunity. Scientists have discovered that memories can be disrupted, and even erased, during this period that has been called reconsolidation. The key seems to be pairing the memory with a new experience. If we’re able to recall a memory with an entirely different framing or emotional response, that will likely change the way it gets reconsolidated in the brain.”
What if we could use skills from the Connection pillar of the Healthy Minds Framework for well-being to disrupt painful memories?
When we bring to mind some person or event that dredges up a painful memory, many people just replay the scenario and the memory gets strengthened. Others might push it away, not wanting to delve into the past, only for the memories to continue to reemerge with triggers.
Compassion disrupts this process of reconsolidation.
As mentioned above, when a memory enters conscious awareness, it’s no longer stable. It can be changed. Can you use compassion to disrupt a painful memory?
Here’s an example of how this could work:
- A painful memory is triggered and you are suddenly back in the past, feeling those same feelings you felt when the memory was initially created.
- First, do not push it away. Just sit with it – feel it, notice it.
- Next, practice some compassion. Maybe you will send yourself compassion. For example you can tell your past self, “May you be free from suffering. May you be free from hardship.” just as you would in a self-compassion meditation.
- Or, you can practice compassion for others in that moment. Notice that everyone is trying to relieve suffering, just like you.
- Last, shift back into awareness and notice how you feel.
With these steps, you can create a new set of experiences to go along with your difficult memory. It’s not just a distant trauma anymore––it’s also part of your compassion practice.
This can be a powerful practice, and even just shifting your reaction to painful memories and trauma can greatly improve your well-being. Maybe you started meditating to get better sleep, or for “general wellness.” But general wellness can be elusive if you struggle with trauma that lingers. Supporting your memories with compassion, can be an important step to clearing your way to flourishing.
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